I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
