Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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