I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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