you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
