I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
