If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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