I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The best revenge is premature balding
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
