my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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