So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
