He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What changed your mind?
Being sober
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
