Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
