are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
