at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
