You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
