I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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