You really coming over, don't trick.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
