haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
