k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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