Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
