The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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