One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
