is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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