I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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