Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
