So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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