Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
