Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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