Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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