Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
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My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
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Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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