Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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