come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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