im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
