just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
