I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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