so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
