What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.