All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
