So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21