I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
