its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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