meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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