do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
