just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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