Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
