Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
