this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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