It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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