Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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