If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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