I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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