I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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