I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
