The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
