Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
