is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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