the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You made out with two different species that night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
