just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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