whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize