I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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