I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
