Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
