I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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