In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i love accidental penises.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
