'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
