Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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