then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
