i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
