are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
