Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
