I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize