I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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