how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
