you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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