Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
