How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
