I just saw a hot homeless man
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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