I CAN MOONWALK!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
