Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They took my balls.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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