Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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