Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
