I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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