Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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