I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
