carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
