i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When are your genitals available?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
