Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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