hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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