He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
