he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
