White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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