Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
