Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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