Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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