It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
