Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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